Why Women Who Seem to Have It All Together Can Feel So Overwhelmed
When a woman comes into my office feeling completely overwhelmed, my first thought is often, Of course you feel this way.
She's been doing everything for everyone. She's keeping track of what needs to happen, taking care of other people's needs, solving problems, and managing the endless details of daily life.
And somewhere along the way, her own needs and wants have fallen to the bottom of the list.
There's little time to rest, let alone genuinely recharge. Eventually, the stress catches up with her.
And it makes sense that she's overwhelmed.
When stress has been building for a long time, our nervous systems can become accustomed to operating on high alert. It takes time and effort to feel settled again.
One of the things I often see is how anxiety keeps women stuck in their own thoughts. They worry, replay situations, anticipate problems, and go over the same concerns again and again.
The problem is that all this mental activity doesn't necessarily lead anywhere. In fact, it can leave them feeling even more overwhelmed.
Years ago, one of my graduate school professors said something that has stayed with me throughout my career:
“Activity is the antidote to anxiety.”
I've found that there's a great deal of wisdom in those words.
When we're anxious, it can be enormously helpful to stop circling around a problem and start identifying what we can actually do about it.
That doesn't mean we have to solve everything. Sometimes the situation is complicated, and the answers aren't immediately clear.
But we can usually identify a next step.
Maybe it's gathering information, asking for help, having a difficult conversation, or making an appointment with someone who can offer guidance.
A doable plan gives us a place to begin. Instead of carrying every possible scenario around in our minds, we can focus on what comes next.
And sometimes, just knowing there's a way forward brings tremendous relief.
That's an important part of how I approach therapy.
I want women to feel understood and accepted exactly where they are. I offer empathy and compassion because what they're experiencing often makes perfect sense given what they're dealing with.
But I also want them to leave with something useful.
Understanding why you're overwhelmed matters. Figuring out what to do next matters, too.
You deserve both.
Something You Can Try
The next time you find yourself going over the same worry again and again, ask yourself:
“What's one thing I can actually do about this situation?”
It might be making a phone call, gathering information, asking for help, or having a conversation you've been avoiding.
Write down one manageable next step. If there's something you can do now, do it. If not, decide when you'll revisit it.
You don't have to figure everything out today.
And if there's nothing you can change right now, give yourself permission to put the problem aside for a while. Rest is worthwhile, too.
Sometimes the first step toward feeling better is simply knowing what your next step will be.
Dr. Addie Smith is a psychologist in Wayne, Pennsylvania, who works with women navigating anxiety, stress, relationships, and life's challenges. Her approach combines compassion, understanding, and practical problem-solving.